Lonerize

I have always been far from the madding crowd, man and boy. Living on my own for over twelve years now, there are a few thoughts I’d like to share.

Does being a middle aged ‘single householder’ make me a dried up old bachelor? Pedophile? Rapist? Oddball? Weirdo? Eccentric? Artistic? Bohemian? Bookish? Introverted? Violently psychotic? Aggressive? Socially phobic? Depressed? Take your pick, because everyone seems to have an opinion and often as not they latch onto those nice juicy negative labels.

The discourses/narratives available in this society, for those who enjoy spending large portions of their time alone, appear (at least to me) to be very narrow and pejorative.

Oh I have great social skills, but apart from a few close friends and the remains of my un-dead family, people in general terrify me. Am I blessed with incredible wisdom or do I need help!

I find as I get older, I become more and more ‘cynical’ of society in general and its somewhat aggressive exaltation's to ‘join in’. Even though experience has equipped me with various psychological tools to spot certain personality types, I keep finding myself embroiled in the same old negative merry-go-round of superficial relationships and boredom.

But then again, maybe that's it really. I can predict people's behavior - which is nice when you meet good one's - but others, its like a slow motion car crash, I know it'll end in tears.

This is so depressing because you can foresee the tired, long, boring story is gonna have to unfold in its own time. Just reading 'Contemporary Solitude' by Joanne Wieland-Burston. She approaches solitude from the Jungian perspective. She list's the cultural and mythical stereotypes of loners through the ages and sees the need to be alone as a sign of maturity and a breaking free of the Great Mother archetype.

Although, there is a danger she warns, of the loner becoming grandiose and 'lonerism' becoming pathological - hence we see the classic stereotypes of the Shadow loner - murderers, socio/psychopaths etc.

Anthony Storr's book 'Solitude' reinforces Burston's ideas about the ability to be alone as a sign of maturity and independence.

Our heroes in popular fiction, comics and cinema are often classic loners, rejecting the herd and going it alone. They always suffer for their outsider nature though, and are often shunned by the wider society and misunderstood.

It interest's me how 'The Loner' is so central to our hero myths yet mainstream society who consume most of these outsider narratives, often reject true loners in their midst - or just those who don't 'join in' with the clique or crowd.

The paradoxes of humanity.

I do have a suspicion though….I’m basically a miserable old bastard.