If God was one of us

I was listening to that old song by Joan Osborne the other day ‘If God was one of us’.
So of course my mind collapsed and digressed into a multiverse of fractal peninsula’s, lost in a ocean of metaphor and self generating tsunami’s of fecund transcendental signifiers, which in turn transmogrified into subliminal Huxleyan-like mescaline induced Daliesque deserts populated by the hermaphroditic, polymorphous Jungian guardians of the gateway to Plato’s realm of true and timeless ideas.

Unfortunately, my Homeric psychic odyssey was shattered at this point, and thus was I ejected back into the empirical realm once more by a sudden glinting recollection of a 6-pack of pickled onion Monster Munch on top of the bread bin.
Such are the basest phenomenological desires visited upon this most sensitive and beautiful of minds.

But to digress on a digression, If God was one of us (a physical person) what would his/her state of mind be? Maybe a heavy guilt complex? Paranoia? In therapy? Would they be an anti-capitalist? Or maybe they’d be a corporate industrialist like Damon in The Omen, but actually Christ instead of the eer…anti-Christ – and thereby destroying capitalism from the top down?

What name would they have? Norman, Tarquin, Ethel, Chardonnay? Remember they must have a bit of gravitas, an aura if they are to save mankind. Nothing too ‘New Agey’ though – too Californian, most people would just switch off these days.
And what about miracles? In an age of CGI and 911 they would have to do something really weird to fuck peoples consciousness’ up!

Then again, maybe they’d want to ‘blend in’, feel a bit ‘sheepish’ and crave anonymity and the quiet life.
Would God sign on?
Maybe God would be content to do a bit of blogging, have a roll-up and watch re-runs of the Simpsons.

What would happen when a Jehovah’s Witness knocked on the door?
Would God think Quantum mechanics was a bit nosey?
In physical form, I believe the great one would be fascinated by the mundane minutiae of human existence – reading the ingredients on the back of shampoo bottles, eating prawn cocktail crisps and having a wank.

Would the Church collapse if God was discovered sporting ice wash denim and a mullet?
I know 'IT' is into being humble but what about looking a twat? God may forgive all our sins but could we forgive that? And forgive those that wear mullet’s against us.
Would the mullet become a ‘crown of thorns’? The ice wash denim the ‘great burden’, the cross we all have to bear?

So ends the theological seminary for this week.